


Fabled Foreign Tongues

by Izzyv1o



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Pre-Canon, Stakeout, Strike Team Delta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 07:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1810381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzyv1o/pseuds/Izzyv1o
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha is having <i>way</i> too much fun with this whole "fake relationship" thing, and for all that it's fun, they really don't need to be encouraging the S.H.I.E.L.D. rumor mill. There're enough betting pools over their relationship status already.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fabled Foreign Tongues

**Author's Note:**

> I have a ridiculous number of headcanons that accompany this little fic, and may wind up adding more to it later, but for now I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Title from Panic! At The Disco's _[Northern Downpour](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zouSojyIi94)_
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to say hi on [Tumblr!](www.izzyv1o.tumblr.com)

“Don’t you think you’re laying this on a little thick?”

The clinging grip on his arm grows tighter.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean, _honey_ ,” comes the response, overly saccharine, despite the fact that no one on the busy street is paying them any mind.

“I mean that getting in on the betting pool on when we admit to a relationship is practically a rite of passage for junior agents, the thing has been going on for so long. We’ve never done any of this nonsense before, and managed to convince them. Why are we playing it up this much?”

“Because I’m having fun with it, that’s why. And the recruits are getting worse every year, it’s no wonder they completely misread our casual intimacy for the fiery passion they so desperately long to have in their own lives.”

Clint snorts, “Yeah, well they don’t have you teaching them about the differences between romantic, familial, and sexual relationships. Or maybe things are just so boring at SHIELD that they keep coming back to old debates to stay entertained. Things must be getting pretty boring if they’re still betting on _us_.”

“Barton!” With a smack on the back of his head and a scowl, Natasha begins to lead them towards the target restaurant. “What have I told you about asking for trouble? This is practically a vacation, and I won’t have you fucking this up because junior agents can’t mind their own damn business.”

“I’m not sure where you’re getting ‘practically,’ Tasha,” he mutters as he opens the door and holds it for her with a sappy smile. “This is the first vacation I’ve had in years, and I don’t fancy rushing through any of our plans.”

She grabs hold of his hand as they approach the hostess, and he pulls hers up to his lips for a kiss as he asks for a table for two.

This particular eatery is all open floor plans and modern furnishings, but Clint notes the hostess tries to place them in the most quiet corner they have. Natasha pulls his chair out for him, and he grins at her as she does, and watches the woman leave as quickly as she can while remaining professional.

When their waiter arrives, Natasha picks the wine for them, though neither will truly indulge. Wine isn’t Clint’s drink of choice, and they’re both too professional to get smashed on the job, though many would say it’s a close call on Clint’s part. Over meaningless talk of vacation plans, they scan the restaurant for the cartel members who supposedly make deals every Tuesday and Thursday over lunch.

When their waiter, Jeff, returns for their orders, Clint picks something suitably expensive, and takes note of the wince the employee tries to hide, though whether that is due to the truly ridiculous way Natasha says, “I’ll have what he’s having,” or the food-wine combination, he can't fathom.

He kicks his feet as they wait for any action, making sure to tangle his legs in with Natasha’s, since she insists on playing it up. If she’s going to put effort in, so can he. First to back down will buy drinks for a week once this is all over.

When their food comes and he gets a taste, he’s reasonably confident the waiter’s face was at the wine choice, and he still hasn’t seen anyone making a deal with any known members of the Sinaula cartel.

“We should order different meals, next time,” Natasha suggests with a wicked grin, “so we can feed each other across the table.” At the wiggle of her eyebrows, Clint has to stifle a laugh, startling himself a little when he feels the band of his new ring hit his lips.

“If we need to keep coming back, I say we requisition someone to come for a double date. Do you think May would deign to leave desk duty to help us out?”

It earns him a quiet laugh, and a small shake of the head – enough to flip her hair coyly. “May would never go for it, she has too much dignity. But Hand has been angling for a promotion for a while, now. If she’d learn a thing or two about subtlety, it might keep her from being set up with us.”

Before Clint can get past the idea of going on a fake double date with Victoria Hand and some unfortunate underling, the waiter returns, offering them desserts and coffee, of which only the latter they accept as they continue to scan the room. While they wait, Natasha takes her turn to ostensibly use the facilities while doing recon on the other patrons.

“Towards the kitchen, in with the bigger tables, there’s a party of three, all packing. The wait staff seem familiar with two of them, and the third is looking a bit squeamish.” He heard her approach, but the hand she places on his shoulder and strokes down his arm in greeting still startles him, though he’s all business by the time she’s seated.

He tries to get a look in the back of his spoon before he heaps in sugar and stirs, but there’s not much to see from their corner. “I guess we really will have to come back on a double, to get close enough to confirm. It’ll probably take until Sunday or Monday for them to make their way here, so I guess the weekend is ours, after we send in the reports and requests. Oh, how difficult it will be to while away three days in Los Angeles,” Clint laments, with all the sincerity of a child apologizing for eating dessert first.

As Natasha’s eyes light up with glee, he wonders if maybe he should worry about how they’ll spend their time.

 

 

     

 

When they get Coulson on the video call, he’s looking like he should be on this trip in their place. “You charged tickets to Disney as trip expenses?” The creases in his forehead suggest this is not the most trying conversation he's had all day, and their clock reads half past eight in the morning.

Clint tries to motion with his eyes at Tasha, but he can see her pointing him in the corner of the screen, and the eye roll they get in response at least has a hint of a smile accompanying it.

“And what’s with this request for two more agents to work with you? This is a milk run. You two are more than capable of handling it.”

Clint puts on his best shit-eating grin as Natasha says with all sincerity, “We thought you deserved a break, too, Sir. It’s your pick who comes with you, of course, but we couldn’t in good conscience have a vacation while you were still working at the Hub.”

The flat look they receive in response isn’t exactly surprising. “That’s why you did the Disney trip yesterday.”

“Well, Coulson, it’d be a hardship, but I think we could manage to suffer through another day at the Happiest Place on Earth when you arrive. Just make sure whoever you bring likes roller coasters, Natasha’s a _fiend_.”


End file.
